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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?