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Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
only fights if pillows are present.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.