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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke