Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...