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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.