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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.