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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Your things are terrific.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...