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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.