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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now