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First fart at my new job.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.