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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?