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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?