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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.