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Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.