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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually