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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.