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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.