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Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.