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Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people