Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don’t want to hang out with you now… but I’m still very proud…
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.