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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.