Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.