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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.