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According to my nipples, summer is over
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.