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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!