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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!