Daily Silly Status

Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.

Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.

I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!

Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.

If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way

I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."

It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.

With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible

My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."

If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.

I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"

You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east

I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!

I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.