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My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!