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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".