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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.