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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
My support group can outdrink your support group.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.