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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.