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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.