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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.