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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!