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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Never squat with your spurs on
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.