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My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"