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One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.