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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"