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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.