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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!