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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?