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"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Life`s short ... Drink fast