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Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.