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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.