Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.