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I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
Iām considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day