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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.