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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.