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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.