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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.