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The black sheep always have the best stories.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.