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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.