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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?