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It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.