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I need new swear words.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
The less you know, the more you think you do.