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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?