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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.